Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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