how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
