if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
