I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
