Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
