so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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