the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
