Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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