I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
