I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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