wakey wakey hands off snakey
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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