I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
