i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
