he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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