85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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