he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize