You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
