before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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