Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
