He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
