can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
