I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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