After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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