did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
