Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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