Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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