we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize