This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
