I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
