So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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