I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
cat food counts as protein by the way
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
