I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
