it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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