i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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