Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is Oprah even human
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
