i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Farmville is her only friend.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just invented taco cereal.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
