he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
