Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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