Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize