but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
