You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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