i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
