it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
