in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize