Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
