So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
