wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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