No awkward lesbian experiences without me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
