You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
