i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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