I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
