Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No subtext here. People are naked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize