I heard we made out
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
