goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
