He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
