highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Randomize
