It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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