Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
