Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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