we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
