this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
