do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
