I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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