I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
