I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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