Cold hands, warm shart.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We are two peas in an std pod
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
