i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
