good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
