in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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