Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
