i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize