At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
